I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
He uses pillows to masturbate.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
