My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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