i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
