Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
