Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
