he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
