I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
