You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
