Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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