the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
It's just like the Real World with babies
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
