i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
