I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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