forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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