if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
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