I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
