Im at strip club and am horny
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
