**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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