just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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