he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
