I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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