My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
