college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
