Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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