his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
