wake up i wanna do it froggy style
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
