the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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