You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
