We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
