I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
only you would photoshop your dick
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
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