we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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