either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
