YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
