So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
