Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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