Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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