I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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