Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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