was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
