i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
