You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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