wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
