I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
