Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
