google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
