I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
