Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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