i think my mom watched the whole time
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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