This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I am naked and annoyed.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
