im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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