i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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