I wish my penis had an off switch
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
