i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
